Well I'm Not
by dorkfais
Summary: After meeting Roy at a local bar for some drinks, Riza ends up incredibly drunk and Roy finds himself handling behavior that he'd never expected from her. (Based off of a drunk!riza picture by taylertots on tumblr)


Roy couldn't remember any times when Riza had stumbled before. As he followed closely behind her out of the bar, he realized he was unable able to remember many times when she was not even herself. Riza Hawkeye getting drunk was never a sight he had beheld. They'd met at the bar for drinks and nothing more. Drinks with the team left her tipsy on occasion, but nothing ever turned out like _this_. She was Riza Hawkeye, and therefore she was sharp and efficient. Roy never had guessed that she could be swayed to this degree by alcohol.

_And Roy were you wrong_.

He watched her stumble in those high heeled boots that she wore. As she swayed too far to the left he reached out and took her by the elbows so she wouldn't fall. They stood not far from the entrance of the bar they had gathered at. One of Roy's eyebrows rose when she turned to him, lips widening enough to let her teeth show. It was _far_ too wide of a typical smile for her and it more or less sealed the fact for Roy that Riza was indeed drunk. Her eyes blinked slowly as she began to walk again, her back surprisingly upright as she did so.

All the city lights were bright and hazy around her, making her skin feel warm and tingly. Taking longer strides to catch up with her, Roy placed his hands on her shoulders. "C'mon Hawkeye, let's get you home and get you something so you don't have a horrible hangover tomorrow." He took a step and began to guide her forwards before she managed to snag his open jacket. She pulled him so he turned, rather ungracefully, on his feet and he was pulled against her. Roy glanced around, suddenly thankful that there weren't many people around them that were sober. That'd make the close contact slightly easier to handle.

_Still_. It wasn't his preferred situation.

"D-did you eat anything before you came?" He swallowed when he lips grew wider into a grin. Opening his mouth to speak again, he was silenced when she tugged at his jacket, nodding as she pulled him against her more. His hands were firmly against her shoulders, pushing her back as he stepped away. The loss of contact and warmth against her chest caused her to pout-.

_She's pouting. She's most definitely drunk._

He swallowed again, his nervousness not going unnoticed. Riza grinned again, grasping and tugging at his jacket. "Y'know, Roy-," she blinked slowly, taking a step towards him, which only caused him to step back, "We _should_ go back to my apartm'nt."

That was far from his intention. He wasn't implying anything with his words, but at least there no longer was the worry about having to force her home. The concern was now abundant with what exactly would happen when they arrived there. Roy shut his eyes and exhaled, resolving to take it all in stride.

The walk to her apartment was more efficient than Roy had anticipated. Despite not being sober, Riza now walked steadily and surely. Her gait was slightly weaker than normal, but Roy couldn't blame her. The stairs leading up to her third floor residency became an issue, but after he slipped an arm around her waist to hold her steady and Riza's body relaxed to lean comfortably against his torso as he helped her. Her weight never swayed to throw her off balance. Roy thanked _something_ that her door was not far from the stairs when they made it up that far.

What needed to be accomplished next was getting her key.

Roy glanced down at her, the distance being nearly obsolete because she was in heels, seeing that she was tossing some of her loose hair over her shoulder. She watched him with a smirk playing at her lips, a hand pressing his harder on her waist. He groaned, holding out his hand and retracting it the moment she reached for it.

"I need the key to open up, Hawkeye," Roy stated, his eyebrows rising as an inquisitive expression spread over her face. He groaned when it turned mischievous.

"How about you _find_ it, Roy?" She purred, taking his jacket in her hands and stepping towards him. He pressed his hands against her shoulders and glared down at her. It was enough that she was drunk and _very_ suggestive, but physically he was going to go absolutely crazy if he didn't stop her soon.

Whatever she was going to say, that wasn't going to make him comply with what she wanted. "I'm not going to do that, Hawkeye. Let's get inside and get you into bed-." He knew he was going to kill himself for that later when he smirk widened into an infuriating grin.

"I think the sound of that idea…" she murmured, reaching into her small handbag. The shine of her hidden pistol didn't go unnoticed. Soon the key was in the lock but she twisted it with no avail. A hand against hers and a twist clicked the lock and the door creaked open to reveal the inside arrangement of her apartment. They stepped inside as Roy swung the door open with his hand. Black Hayate trotted over and greeted them with an energetic yip. Riza smiled, and if Roy needed to detail it to anyone, it _was_ pretty dorky. She scratched behind Hayate's ear, moving over as Roy knelt on one knee beside her and did the same.

Hayate's tongue began to loll and Roy stood, holding out a hand to ease Riza to her feet again. "Lieutenant, are you-?"

He took a staggering step back as she rose from the floor, took the sides of his jacket, pulled it completely off, cast it aside, and leaned against him. Sultry eyes roamed over him very slowly. "Hey-and Col-Hii, Colonel…"

Roy's eyebrows quirked up, taking in how absolutely ridiculous her voice sounded when she was drunk. Havoc would have laughed, but he was getting more and more flustered.

"You know how you are useless when you're wet?" She asked, her teeth grazing over her lip before she bit down gently. He rolled his eyes and visibly deflated. Havoc and Breda gave him enough flack for it on the job, but Hawkeye had been purely business when she reminded him that he needed to not be an _idiot_ when on duty and in harm's way. This was unexpected and-

_Completely uncalled for, Hawkeye._

She licked her lips, her hands moving to hold his arms in her grasp as her gaze moved down to his chest. Examining the holsters that gripped where his arms met his shoulders, she traced a hand over the strap and moved it back down to his arms. "…well I'm not."

The heat that invaded his skin and the way his body went ramrod straight couldn't have rushed through him fast enough. His eyes flew further open. She chuckled, and he knew exactly what she was chuckling at. Regardless, he stood his ground, even as her hands slid down his chest down towards his belt. His hands took her wrists and pulled them away before he turned towards her small kitchen.

It wasn't long before he had a glass in hand and was filling it in her sink as he pinched the bridge of her nose. Reaching to turn off the faucet, he froze when she pressed against his back. The warmth of her chin on his shoulder and her cheek was pressing against his neck. Her hands were soon against his shoulder blades before they began to drop lower-.

He turned and stepped around her, not missing the pout that had returned to her lips as he made his way to her bedroom. Out of a glance he caught her taking off her heels after he passed through her doorway, but he was caught completely off guard after he placed the filled glass on her nightstand. He was on his back and pressed against the mattress before he could take any semblance of a breath. His tie in her hand, Riza climbed on top of him, eyes flashing and staring directly into his wide ones. "Hawkeye, what are you-?"

Air followed his spoken words as she straddled his hips. Roy swallowed and reached for her arms to hold her exactly where she was. Her glare cut against him, but he reasoned with himself. She was incredibly drunk. On any normal day she wouldn't even think of doing such things. It wasn't right. They had rules to abide by, but that was the least of his worries. She was drunk. Not herself. Her wellbeing and physical condition came first, the damn laws came second.

Riza blinked slowly, her lips parting and letting her warm breath through them. It brushed against his chin, and before he could say anything else, she flipped them so he was on top, secured by his holster straps in her iron grip.

"Hawkeye, we can't-."

"We can't?" She asked, her head rising up to meet his, but he evaded by pulling back as much as he could. "Or you _won't_?" Their noses brushed and he swallowed.

_No, Hawkeye, I won't._

She rolled again, settling back on top of his hips causing him to groan. A smirk grew on her lips, but she froze when he caught her wrists. "No." _Damn it, Hawkeye. _Her eyes blinked slowly, and he noticed how drowsy she was beginning to appear. Helping her up the stairs now made sense, especially when she had leaned against him. He reached for the glass on the bedside table, hoping she wouldn't retaliate again, but she caught his wrists against the mattress.

"I d'n't need it…"

"Quit being stubborn," Roy said. "It will help."

"What I need is-," Riza yawned, her gaze fixing on him as she blinked slowly.

_Please tell me this is ending soon… _he thought, testing her grip on his wrist. It was firmer than he'd anticipated. "What you need is sleep. You can't do that if-."

"What…._I need_ …" She yawned again, not catching Roy slight quirk of his lips. Her body began to lower down against his out of exhaustion. He held his breath. "…is to sleep with…"

Roy blinked, reaching to try to get out from under her. His actions stopped when she shifted on top of him, her breathing gradually evening as the seconds passed. Despite her body growing weak and unconscious, his arm was still pinned under hers. He brought his free hand up to his face, running it down to his lips as a groan rumbled from chest. It seemed like forever before he managed to get out from under her. Doing so was a difficult task, both because he did not want to rouse her again and he did not want to face someone who was drunk when they were disturbed from their slumber.

Eventually she was tucked under the covers of her bed. Luckily she'd eaten something before they'd met, so whatever pounding in her head that she would experience in the morning would be lessened. There was water on her bedside table and he had no doubt that she would take care of herself once the morning came. She was stubborn but when she wasn't inebriated she was capable of being overwhelmingly practical.

He sighed, grabbing his jacket as he walked out of her room. This was going to be the most awkward morning at headquarters that Roy would ever experience.


End file.
